Finding Your Happy

raj thandhi pink chai livingIt’s Friday, the sun is shining, I’m finally starting get over my death flu; all good reasons to be happy, but I’ve been happy in spite of negative events lately, and that is what’s truly amazing!

Something you might not gather from all the happy and fun posts on this blog is that I have a tendency to lean towards unhappiness. I’ve struggled with post-partum depression, am a fairly moody person, and have an auto-immune disorder that affects my mental clarity – all things that make me sad quite often. I work hard every day to be happy, but lately it’s been coming a lot easier. 

Two of my closest friends pointed out recently that I’ve ‘changed’. One of my girls told me the other day that I’m glowing. She was like – you have that giddy, happy glow, like you have a new crush, only I know you don’t! {Well to be fair I do have a total fan girl crush on Mr. T, but I’ve had that for the last 17 years} I was shocked to hear my friends tell me that I look happy – since most people in my life usually greet me with adjectives like; tired, stressed, upset, and sad. 

I’m no psychologist, but here’s my theory; in the last few months I’ve made the very difficult shift from looking for external validation to validating myself. I no longer expect my husband, my kids, or my work to be responsible for my happiness – they are a substantial source of my happiness, but it’s not in their hands to ‘make me happy’. This realization actually scares the sh*t out of me, because it means I also can’t blame anyone when I’m unhappy. I’m now personally responsible for my level of happiness, joy, and contentment, that’s intense. 

I think too many women put the burden of our happiness on the people in our lives. If I’m a really great wife, my husband will make me happy. If I’m the best mom ever, my kids will make me happy, or maybe; if I write the best damn report at work my boss will give me a high-five and some gold stars, and that will make me happy? It’s much too scary to say; I like myself, I like my work, and I make me happy. I’m going to go out on a limb and say that the glow my friend saw on my face did come from a crush – a new found crush … on myself.

Now before you think I’ve lost my marbles and am proclaiming to the entire internet world that I’m totally crushing on myself – let me tell you, that’s exactly what I’m doing. It’s hard to say {or type} out loud, it makes me uncomfortable, and I feel like people will think I’m total snob, but here it is; I think I’m a pretty cool lady, and I like myself. And more importantly, I’m happy with myself {and it only took me 34 years to get here!}

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For some reason I felt compelled to share this very personal slice of my life today. I don’t know everyone who reads my blog, but I’ve come to know over the years that many of you are in the same life situation as me; mom’s, trying to balance it all, and make everyone happy. I hope this post inspires you to take a few moments to find some happy today.

A virtual hug from me to you! PS: Yay it’s Friday …. oh wait, I’m a mom. 

Image by: Aziz Dhamani

 

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8 Comments

  1. Kate
    March 27, 2015 / 1:11 pm

    Were there any particular strategies or books that have helped you?

    • March 27, 2015 / 7:44 pm

      Hi Kate!
      Honestly, for me it’s just me a slow and steady process of self discovery (I know that sounds vague). A big help though was journalling. When I actually write things out and do stream of conciousness writing, I learn a lot about myself.

      • Kate
        March 29, 2015 / 2:07 pm

        Thank you! I can see how that would be helpful. I appreciate your feedback and found I really can relate to this blog post :)

  2. March 27, 2015 / 6:17 pm

    So happy for you and I hope to reach this mental state soon. Nice post. Happy weekend :)

  3. saira
    March 27, 2015 / 7:41 pm

    You Won’t believe ,the right piece of note for me this moment.thanks :)

  4. July 5, 2015 / 2:07 pm

    That is great Raj. Yah my big thing and goal for 2015 was to do things FOR ME. Not for the family not for the kids not for the husband..but for ME. So might sound selfish…but I don’t mean it that way..just that I need to focus on MY goals and dreams and avoid any martyr syndrome. Hence working outside the home and so on….We need to focus on ourselves..it makes our families happier anyway..

    • July 5, 2015 / 3:12 pm

      I don’t think it’s selfish at all! We need to take care of ourselves first if we want to take care of our families!

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